Disintegration
by r'n'rb
Summary: His lips brushed her ear, warm breath radiating outwards onto her shivering flesh. ... 'I want to show you something'... [and the world comes tumbling down ]...
1. Prologue

Story:_ Disinegration_

Author:_ Ani_

Number of Chapters_ : Short in the 3-5 chapter range, or possibily more... _

Genres: _AU/Romance/Horror/Other... _

Rating:_ M, for disturbing sequences, language, violence and sexual content. _

Characters:_ The Teen Titans and a few scattered others_

Summary:_ He could never explain it in a way she could understand, but none of that really mattered when his lips caressed her own because then she didn't need to think, only feel as the fire coursed through her veins.  
_

* * *

_"Dark times have befallen the city once known for it's sunshine and relative quietness" _

_"Shirley Anderson for Channel Seven news, yet another victim has been discovered in a killing spree that shocked" _

_"Another body has been found murdered in jump city where …" _

_"cause of death, asphyxiation according to the preliminary reports however a full…" _

_ "Autopsy revealed that lethal traces of cocaine and" _

"_Sarin ,at toxin which affects the nervous system in excruciatingly" _

_"Painful death which has the community in mourning and" _

_"On high alert, as the killer has not been caught and their killing has" _

_"Yet to stop and continues to grow ever more" _

_"horrific" _

The moment he stepped in doorway, she knew, she knew and her heart sank. Just like the time before. Usually Garfield wasn't the one to break the news, but the anguish in his eyes as he entered, and the sickly green skin in place of his dashing emerald, spoke volumes.

As always, the optimist in her searched for a spark of light, but everything was dark and chaotic now, and she was in over her head. When he opened his mouth to speak, all light was shut out and the fire dampened.

She let her head fall against the cushion, her head was throbbing again and she closed her eyes in preparation.

"There's been another one"

"Fuck"

She peaked an eye open to look at Cyborg, he had been the most contained throughout all of this and his use of profanities should have surprised her. But nothing really did anymore. She let her gaze slide over to Raven , the small girl was staring , unfocused at the floor, she thought she saw a tear, but tears were last months vice, now it was just numbness, a trait which Garfield embodied as he held himself, shuddering violently.

It was sick, she was sick. She was sick for caring about the wrong things and not giving a fuck about others, it was sick, absolutely nauseatingly sick. She leant across and vomited over the side of the couch. No one made a move to clean it up.

A deathly quiet crept over the room, interrupted only by the sounds of her retching, and the occasional splash this evening's dinner hit the floor, no one batted an eyelash. Eventually that died out, and all four figures were left shuddering, anticipating; silence tended to smash things, and deposit dark tension and unrest until they were left silently searching for their last trace of humanity. She closed her eyes again, and desperately tried not to think.

It was Cyborg who broke the silence again, but his words had already been anticipated and truly no one wanted to hear him speak, and once again set it into motion.

"Who was it this time?"

"Kitten"

Inwardly she tensed, surprised, _no, no that's not right, it wasn't Kitten last night._ Outwardly however she remained motionless, her eyes closed and her ears reluctantly open for more.

Raven spoke up now, a slow drawl to her words.

"How did it happen this time?"

There was a pregnant silence for a moment before Garfield answered, and she shuddered, this was not good, silence was never good.

"It was bad, worse than the other times"

His voice was quiet and reluctant and she felt a sense of dread creep over her, more alarming though was the sense of curiosity that accompanied it.

"I couldn't get much from the chief this time, her dad is a pretty high profile guy and their not giving much away, not even to us"_ not anymore anyways _"From what I heard, a maid found her in her bedroom around three, multiple stabbings …half her…"

He trailed off, his voice quivering.

"I didn't get a good look a at the crime scene photos but from what I was it was bad, really, really bad. The sicko absolutely mutilated her, half her face was sliced off".

She hugged herself, she felt the bile creep up her throat again, she pursed her lips tightly and tried to feel something, some form of terror at the images he had conjured.

"The worst part is, she's gone now"

_Just like the others,_ She pinched the bridge of her nose, the headache was unbearable, and puke was threatening to spew out the corners of her mouth.

"Every time, every fucking time, someone dies; it's reported long enough to get the police and the media involved and then poof! – There were even guards posted beside her body and then boom- gone, the body, the guards, all gone…"

Silence enveloped the room once more, cascading threateningly over the room while its occupants sat frail and trying to cope.

A sigh escaped her, despite her confusion she knew what was coming next.

"Someone has to tell Robin the news"

Garfield's small voice interrupted Cyborg's deep rumble.

"We can't leave him in the dark forever, not after last time"

Even with her eyes closed she could feel them looking at her.

She let another sigh out before sitting up and opening her eyes. She felt her self nodding to them even though every fiber of her was screaming no, no for once your break the fucking news to Robin.

Instead a small "I'll do it" escaped her and she was greeted with surprise etching their faces.

Had it really been that long since she had spoken?

Slowly she padded out of the living room to wards the east wing of the tower, she had always thought of it as spacious and inviting, now it's was too large- _you could lose yourself here_ – the titanium walls were too cold and the city lights reflected blood red against it's smooth surface.-

* * *

_Kissing was something she loved feverishly, whether it was a peck on the cheek or an open mouthed caress from one set of lips to another. The first time he kissed her, she had felt elated, and giddy, the type of kiss that reminded her of true love, bold sunsets and fields of gold. The first time **he**_ _had kissed it had been a rush that set her veins on fire, and it was addicting, and wrong, it made her mind wander to places she had never dreamed of, adrenalin filled touches, nails scraping down her back as he fucked her in an alleyway; the first time **he **had kissed her, her lips had surfaced dripping with red. _

* * *

Quite a change from my usual, but I was experiencing extreme writers block with Undoing , so I decided to try my hand at this . Its dark, yes but I just got my ass dumped so I feel dark at the moment. ( and aparrently melodramatic too hehe).

I'm not going to give much of the plot away, but it wont be a very long fic, ( because I can't really handle updating a ton of chapters ...)

Reviews , Comments (constructive) Critisism.

Kisses.

-Ani


	2. A Burgeoning Obsession

Story:_ Disintegration_

Author:_ Ani_

Chapter_: 2; A Burgeoning__ Obsession _

Genres: _AU/Romance/Horror/Other... _

Rating:_ M, for disturbing sequences, language, violence and sexual content. This story is not for the lighthearted - I'm freaking myself out by writing it. _

Characters:_ The Teen Titans and a few scattered others_

Summary:_ He could never explain it in a way she could understand, but none of that really mattered when his lips caressed her own because then she didn't need to think, only feel as the fire coursed through her veins._

* * *

It was a disturbing sight to behold, and the young cadet had to struggle to keep the contents of his lunch inside his stomach. He stood shivering, taking it all in, while the senior officer searched for clues. He had been to crime scenes before, other murders in fact; some of the pictures they had shown him during his police training had been far gorier, far bloodier and yet it was this scene in front of him that he knew would later haunt his dreams in the years to come. 

The cause of death was easy to pin point, the knife was right beside the bed, and the victim was wearing only undergarments, the slashed skin visible even without the overhead lighting. What was disturbing was the normality of the entire picture. If someone were to enter from the back they would come in to see a quiet, pristine room in cooling shades of blue and white; little feminine touches drawn up in pink bows lay garnishing the curtains and the pillows atop to the bed, a quiet calming, and_ disturbing_ scene. A book was lying half open beside the victim; one would think she had simply fallen asleep reading, nothing looked out of place, and it was a cute, idealistic young woman's room. No sign of a struggle, no sign of anything amiss and yet on the other side of the bed, the victim's eyes were wide open and expressionless, the left eye bloodshot and skin around it in tatters, two bloody slits were etched in red along her abdomen, and a long thin crimson line snaked around her throat.

The cadet frowned, there was no blood stains anywhere save the thin lines that slashed scarlet against her skin, the sheets beneath her were crisp and completely clean, the knife too held no trace of blood, save for a small purposeful looking blotch at the tip. The entire scene was too quiet, too neat, too near normal for it to be the place of a brutal homicide. Though an autopsy was needed to prove the exact time of death, the young man had a sinking feeling that the murder wasn't exactly recent – not so old that decomposition would set in- but long enough that days had passed with this victim, lying in a forced serene, one eye bloodshot and lines of crimson disrupting the pale cover of her skin.

He shivered.

* * *

CHAPTER TWO ; A BURGEONING OBSESSION

* * *

_At first it had been …heavenly. His lips had brushed hers so softly it was almost a whisper of a kiss, she had responded somewhat cautiously, insecure about her inexperience, and nervous of the repercussions – inwardly however, a giddy excitement rushed forth and it took everything in her power not to scream for joy. After that was when the real fun began, he was gentle, almost graceful in the way he touched her, shy, reserved and yet somehow managing to shower her with affection, making her feel like she was the only girl in the world. _

_Oblivious might have been one way to describe it, love blinds it is said._

" Robin…"

Her words were a slow whisper, and she felt breathless though she had not been running. He was hunched over his desk, a position she had found him in so many a time.

_But ever so much has changed._

He didn't so much bat an eyelash at her entrance, nor did he make any move to acknowledge her presence. But in the silence she heard his breath hitch slightly as she moved towards him. The beginnings of a satisfied smile worked its way onto her face; it felt reassuring to know that she could affect the enigmatic boy, if only just a little.

His room was dark, but not overbearingly so, all that filled the room was the remnants of this afternoon's sunshine and the quite scratch of his pen as he filled out some report or another. Like many times before she stood somewhat awkwardly the room, waiting for him to break the silence. He obviously didn't want to talk right now so she contented herself with immersing herself in the details of his room, drinking in each object so meticulously placed. It was a stark room upon first impression; Raven had offhandedly compared to it a hospital "sterile" were her exact words. She of course had defended the barren appearance, 'he's got far too much on his hands to care about such trivial things as the colour of his walls or his bedding', her rebuttal had been something along the lines of that, but she preferred the blankness of his room for other reasons; it was a mystery, just like him and each time she drank in the walls of his room she paused to find some sort of crack or blemish on it's blank surface, his blank surface.

* * *

"_Thwack"_

_She narrowed her eyes and deflected his attack with one arm, simultaneously pelting at star bolt at him with her other arm. He blocked it shakily but it singed the side of his head. The smell of burning flesh filled her lungs and sympathy flooded her as an apology began to form on the tip of her tongue. _

_With one kick he her on the ground, and she gritted her teeth angrily. Once again he had one upped her. He offered his hand, a rare chivalrous gesture and she jumped at it eagerly, her anger forgotten. _

_He raised an eyebrow patronizingly._

"_You do realize you can't just stop fighting once you hurt the bad guy."_

"_But Robin, you're not…"_

"_I know but the whole point of practice is to prepare us for those situations. If that had been Slade you were fighting, would you have stopped?"_

"_No" _

_A smirk worked its way onto his face, while she felt her own expression drooping pettily. _

"_So then why did you stop back there?" _

_She sighed, somewhat defeated._

"_Sorry, it won't happen again" _

_His arms wrapped around her in a tight hug, elated, she suddenly became aware of just how much he had grown over the past few months. _

"_It's okay Star"_

_His words were slightly muffled as he spoke into her red tresses, it was purposeful of course, the other Titans always gathered to watch him practice._

"_I know you can't help it, being the caring girl that I know you are and adore you for being. You've just got be a little more aggressive at times". _

_Words used up he gave her one last squeeze and kiss to the top of her head before letting go and stepping away, no doubt to call one of the others into practice. _

_She studied him clinically as he and Beast boy sparred, he was so agile, so concise, moving with a grace and precision she could only dream of possessing. He had no powers, technically he was weaker, slower, but somehow he out ran, out hit, and out lasted the others. A restless feeling grew in her bones; she wanted to run somewhere, fast, really fast, just too prove that she could out run him. Her eyes followed him again, as he dodged the charging bull, lazily flipping backwards and tripping the raging bull to the mat, where it promptly morphed into a grinning Beast boy. _

"_Nice one Robin" Beast boy was still smiling, and reached up for a high five, Robin met his hand, a self assured smirk on his face. A small smile worked its way onto her face, as much as it tickled her jealously, she liked seeing smile, and she loved seeing him win. _

_Her gaze followed him as he walked away, her smile growing slightly as he touched burnt area on his head and winced. Maybe he hadn't won completely._

_She remembered that one night as he entered her room, and because of it her kisses had been fiercer, her nails had dug deeper. He had smiled and gestured towards the bed, a spark of excitement in his eye and a gentle caress from his hand to her back. She hadn't answered instead she had bit his lip in a hard controlling manner. She smiled loving the way he tensed under her touch, for once she had control, and she relished it as she rode him, hard, fast and almost painfully, fucking furiously on the floor. _

_Aggressive, indeed._

* * *

She glanced at her watch, it was getting late now. Robin had switched on a small lamp atop his desk, still scribbling furiously, still ignoring her presence completely. She sighed, somewhat exasperated.

"Robin"

"Not now"

The words were cold, harsh, impersonal and exactly what she had been expecting. There had been many a time she had cried herself to sleep over his dismissal, now she learned not to take it personally – at least not visibly,- a sense of triumph rose up in her at that. Somewhere deep inside her another tear fell.

She left the room without another word.

* * *

_A shuddering sigh escaped her as __**his**__ arms slithered around her waist, and __**his**__ lips began to wander over her neck none to gentle, biting, licking, and sucking. She was completely immobilized, pressed tightly against __**him,**__ part of her tense and hyperaware the other part so completely at home in __**his**__ embrace; it was electric, seductive and wrong, but she never wanted to let go. __**His**__ lips traveled up her neck setting her skin afire with sparks, and __**his **__teeth lightly grazed her earlobe before __**he**__ spoke, __**his**__ warm breath radiating out against her skin. _

"_I want to show you something"...  
_

* * *

_This chapter was a pain to write - my space bar isn't working I have to literaly like, pound it if I want to seperate my words. gah!!!_

_Anyways please review , just a couple words a small line, ._

_Kisses _

_-Ani  
_


	3. Don't Think

Story:_ Disintegration_

Author:_ Ani_

Chapter_: 3; Don't Think ..._

Genres: _AU/Romance/Horror/Other... _

Rating:_ M, for disturbing sequences, language, violence and sexual content. This story is not for the lighthearted - I'm freaking myself out by writing it. _

Characters:_ The Teen Titans and a few scattered others_

Summary:_ He could never explain it in a way she could understand, but none of that really mattered when his lips caressed her own because then she didn't need to think, only feel as the fire coursed through her veins._

* * *

Beast boy was sitting solitary in the kitchen, looking somewhat forlorn; a small pang went through her at the sight. There was a time not so long ago when he could never be alone, now the sense of comradeship had began to fizzle, everyone needed time to think, they were always thinking. She sighed, quelling the small desire in her to scream, to run, to do something…

He spoke up, startling her from her musings.

"Wanna come down to the pier? Its clear skies tonight…"

She didn't answer right away but smiled at the prospect of some fresh untainted air. Grabbing his emerald hand in hers she walked toward the door.

"Yeah, let's go"

It was chilly without the cloud cover, and even though her skin was thicker than most humans, she regretted not bringing a coat. They sat in silence for a while, feet hanging off the damp wood, toes just grazing the water. The stars reflected into the water, white sparkling orbs, floating almost, a reverse universe. It had been a while since she had remembered that she indeed had a whole other life up there, a couple of days ago that would have filled her with a sense of hope, now she wasn't sure if she cared about that at all.

Her green companion broke the silence again, she couldn't tell whether she was grateful for the distraction or not.

"Sorry for dragging you out here, I just – I just needed to get out of there. Sometimes that tower is so fucking oppressing"

He sighed, kicking up small spray of water with his left foot, several droplets hit her skin and she winced.

"Lately, well I don't think I've ever felt so oppressed, so helpless in my life"

She turned to him, studying his profile for a moment and turned away. She had been hoping that he would say a joke or something, cheerful … just something other than talking about now. _Don't talk about now I don't want to think about it_.

"Say something funny, tell me one of your jokes, I haven't heard one in ages"

Her words were so absurd, she was surprised she had let herself speak them, still she looked up at him again, somewhat hopefully, more curious of his reaction.

He looked at her sadly, shaking his head before he spoke.

"Honestly Star, I'm not sure if I'll be making any jokes for a while"

Anger filled her, surprising her. This wasn't something she should be mad about, and yet here she was silently seething. She pulled her feet out of the water and hugged her knees to her chest, her teeth gritting as a small shiver made its way up her spine

"Robins walking over"

She whipped her head around, watching as the dark boy casually strolled over.

She was standing up by the time he reached the end of the pier, but she couldn't remember moving a muscle.

"Hey"

His voice was low, but filling. He offered a small smile, a brushed a discreet hand along her back.

She remained silent.

Beast boy stood up, brushing off the wrinkles in his pants as he did so.

"Hey dude"

The words themselves recalled memories of food fights, video games and sunlit splashings in the pool, his tone though was sober, and damp as the wood beneath her feet.

Robins hand dipped lower on her back, unseen by the green youth's eyes. She stared hard at the ground, and made no move to acknowledge either boy.

Several silent tension-filled moments passed, she wasn't sure when the tension had arrived but she had a strong clue as to whom it arrived with.

Robin cleared his throat, apparently annoyed at her lack of response.

"Beast boy, I think Cyborg wanted you in the kitchen, something about tossing out your tofu"

It was clearly a lie, and the resignation in Beast Boys eyes displayed his awareness of the fact. But he took the hint nonetheless, to put it bluntly, he had just been dismissed.

Then it was just the two of them, and something in her tensed and rejected it.

She shivered again, turning to watch her green companion's retreating form.

A finger brushed her neck, tracing upwards until it reached her chin, and he lifted, forcing her to look at him.

His voice was silky as it stated the obvious.

"You're ignoring me"

She shook her head violently averting her eyes as she did so.

"I'm not Robin …I'm just …"

She trailed off helplessly, she had prided herself in remaining relatively tear free throughout this- a sign of strength perhaps- but right now her throat burned achingly, and a small sob escaped despite her efforts to quell it.

His hands dropped to her hips, nails digging in slightly as he pulled her against him. She buried her head in his chest, her tears dampening his shirt.

"Fuck Robin, I just don't want to think right now, not now, not anymore."

Her words were muffled as she spoke, but she knew he would understand even if she had remained silent.

At this he pulled her close, and she pushed into him, trying to be as close as physically possible, trying to meld herself into one with him.

Another sob escaped her and his grip tightened, his lips brushing the top of her head as he shushed her.

"Then don't think Star, but don't cry either, don't cry"

She swallowed her cries, she was stronger than this, and after all she hadn't heard him break down yet.

And not a trace of a tear marred her face as she tipped her head upwards and met his lips in a hungry desperate kiss.

* * *

_**4:00 Am, Tuesday morning, Ocean Cove Estates; Jump City.** _

_She groaned angrily as a knock echoed throughout her room, successfully rousing her from a rather pleasant, though x-rated dream. A sigh escaped her as she pulled off the covers and she reached for her robe, hastily covering up her revealing night attire. The silk had cooled overnight and she shivered as it draped over her body._

"_One minute"_

_She called, her feet padding over to the dark mahogany door as another knock resounded._

_Her hand on the door knob she glanced at her clock; 4:09 am. Eyebrows lowering dramatically, she paused, 'who the fuck would be knocking at this hour?' She bit her lip, one of her ex's perhaps? Though they were usually more of the rocks tossed onto a window at midnight type. Still, her last breakup had been slightly more dramatic… The line between her brows deepened and a frown worked its way onto her mouth. _

_Another knock echoed and she jumped, startled._

_Throwing caution to the wind, and risking the chance of a late night argument (and possibly make up sex) with Danny dearest , she opened the door, and a small smirk worked it's way on to her face at the person it revealed. _

"_Well of all the people to come knocking at my door at 4 am, yours was the last." _

_Her voice had unconsciously changed into a quiet purr, and her smile grew slightly, her raised eyebrow posing a silent question. "Why are you here?" _

_He pushed his way in without answering; she frowned at this and pulled her top down to a more revealing angle. _

_She watched him as he circled the room, slightly annoyed at his lack of attention. _

_What was it that he wanted? Money…no, sex; it had to be sex. She slipped off her robe, tossing it haphazardly on to the nearby chair, and tugging on the thin strap of her undergarment so it fell just so …His back was to her, so she took the time to fluff her hair and strike a pose. _

_Finally ready, she smiled somewhat nervously, hoping she exuded some sex appeal. _

"_What are you doing here?" _

_It had to be asked…_

_He slowly turned to face her, each motion of his body revealing a tiny bit more until he was looking directly at her. She felt that familiar fire ignite in her abdomen, god he was gorgeous. _

_He smirked, and suddenly her smile began to falter. Something was off… The scene was beautiful, the light of the moon casting shadows, and accenting his contours, highlighting his eyes and his face …he was stunning. But his expression, it was one he used on girls to make them swoon, yet now it held a feral quality and there was a spark in his eye that was too bright, to harsh, almost malicious. _

_She repeated her question, her voice quivering as he began to draw near. _

"_Wh-what are you doing here" _

_He was face to face with her now, animalistic smirk still in place. She could see her own terrified blue eyes reflected in his ice ones. _

_Out of the corner of her lashes she saw a flash of silver, and she witnessed the light in his eyes spark a fire._

**_7:30 am Tuesday morning, Ocean Cove Estates; Jump City._**

"_H-hi this is Wendy Stephenson, I'm a maid at Ocean Cove Estates. I'd like to report a murder"_

* * *

She woke to the feeling of **his** calloused hands tracing her back, a small smile surfaced on her face and she rolled over to face **him.**

"Good morning" she mumbled, half into the pillow as she pulled up the quilt, so as to preserve a touch of modesty.

**He** smirked and tugged the covers out of her grip, one hand cupping her breast; tracing, skimming; memorizing with **his** fingers. **His** other hand tilted chin towards **him** and **he **kissed her softly, before biting forcefully on her lower lip.

**He** pulled back and looked at her; she could feel herself smiling widely.

"Yes it is a _good_ morning"

**He** grinned, before rolling on top of her and capturing her (…desire, attention, curiosity, obsession, heart…) lips once more.

* * *

Thank you guys so much for your reviews, I appreciate them SO SO much . I've never really ventured outside of the romance genre before so this is definetly a challenge, but I'm chipping away at it slowly.

I appologize for any editing mistakes, I wrote this in between research for an essay ...

Reviews, Comments, (constructive) Critisism is really(really really really really) appreciated.

Love xoxoxo

-Ani


	4. Distractions

Story:_ Disintegration_

Author:_ Ani_

Chapter_: 4; Distractions  
_

Genres: _AU/Romance/Horror/Other... _

Rating:_ M, for disturbing sequences, language, violence and sexual content. This story is not for the lighthearted - I'm freaking myself out by writing it. _

Characters:_ The Teen Titans and a few scattered others_

Summary:_ He could never explain it in a way she could understand, but none of that really mattered when his lips caressed her own because then she didn't need to think, only feel as the fire coursed through her veins._

* * *

"_Hi, Wendy Stephenson?"_

_The young maid was shivering, a shawl wrapped tightly around her quivering frame. She nodded slightly and he made to continue. The young cadet watched quietly, thinking._

"_I'm Sergeant Myers, and this here is Cadet Drew. You called to report a murder, is that correct?" _

_She nodded again, the movement was so subtle in comparison to her shivers it was barely detectable. _

_The sergeant spoke up again, his tall figure towering over the quivering woman. _

"_If you could just lead us over to the crime scene, my men would like to question you"_

_The woman's convulsions began to increase violently, she was unable to answer._

_The cadet sighed, his sergeant was overbearing sometimes. He placed a calming hand on the woman's shoulder. _

"_Here, why don't you just point us the right direction, and then I can take you over to the station, we can get you a blanket and some tea and then if you're ready we'll just ask you a few questions". _

_She nodded mutely and pointed up the stairs. _

_The cadet nodded to one of the elder officers, he wasn't in the mood to see another mutilated body, and there was something about this girl that filled him with empathy._

"_You go up with Myers, I'll stay with Wendy" _

_The officer nodded and followed Myers up the stairs. _

_Drew took the maids hand and led her out of the house._

"_C'mon, let's get you somewhere a little less hectic" _

_A small smile twitched at her lips, and he felt his stress alleviate a little._

* * *

**_Chapter Four: Distractions _**

* * *

_He could never explain it to her in a way she could rationalize; sometimes she thought she held a glimmer of understanding, but most of the time she found herself grasping for straws that did not exist. __**He **__never even bothered to explain._

_ Distractions though, she understood that, he would kiss her, offer a gentle caress and make her feel perfect in just a few words. __**He**__ would kiss her hungrily, draw blood as his teeth dug and nails scarred her surface. Distractions __**t**__h__**e**__y were, oh how her mind would turn to putty, it was all instinct, touching and being as close as possible; so perfect, so utterly perfect. Yet distractions were temporary, and she could never really forget. One day, maybe, one day she could be so close, be so attached to his heart, __**his**__ lips that distraction would become reality and she wouldn't need to forget. One day, oh how she yearned…in the meantime though, things needed to be set in motion…_

* * *

She was still angry with him, really, really angry. This dawned on her as he entered the room and waved to her and Beast Boy as they munched on their cereal. Apparently makeup sex didn't solve everything; it was like everything else a _distraction_. She bit down harshly on her cheek, her eyes following him around the room, as he made about pouring the cereal and putting the milk back into the fridge, Beast Boy and she could never really be bothered to remember that it didn't last long in room temperature.

Her eyes quickly fastened themselves to the countertop as he pulled up the stool beside her, discreetly kissing her neck as Beast boy turned the other way.

She glanced out the window briefly, ignoring Robin as he tried to get her attention with inconspicuous brushes along her arm. It was sunny outside, she frowned, there had been a time when she would have reveled in that, laughed gleefully and dragged the team down to the beach. A small sigh escaped her, and she shrugged off Robins hand as it traveled up her shoulder; she missed her old self.

Crunch, crunch, crunch.

It was silent now save for the incessant chewing, neither of the boys had really bothered with table manners at the tower. She cringed, hating the sound of the food as it broke down between their teeth. A familiar ache began to build in her throat and her eyes stung, she choked it down as she berated herself inwardly. 'Seriously? You're breaking down right now? It's morning for fucks sake, pull it together you're stronger than this_. Aren't I?' _ She hated herself, she realized, she hated every fiber of her being. When had this happened? The answer was too obvious, and she dismissed it, focusing instead on her cereal.

Crunch, crunch, crunch. She winced.

Beast Boy broke the silence, his tone accusing and filled with resignation at the same time.

"It's not a secret, you do realize that?"

She tensed, an uneasy feeling brewing in her stomach, a quick glance at Robin saw his face unreadable, nonetheless she detected alarm. She raised a questioning eyebrow at the green changeling, daring him to elaborate.

He did.

"You guys"

He gestured towards them, his green hand a light shade in the sunlight.

"Your relationship or whatever, it's not a secret"

She bit her lip, turning away from Beast boy, her eyes trained nervously on Robin. He had gotten up and was putting away his dish; his face was an impassive wall. She sighed, her breath hitching partway through as Robin began to speak.

"Raven and Cyborg are already in the practice room, we're going to start in about five minutes."

The rest of the sigh escaped her in a rush of air. And she felt her anger grow.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Beast boy shoot her a sympathetic smile before he left the room, his dirty dish still on the counter.

It was just her and Robin again, and once again she felt at a loss; the tension thick, she wanted to breathe. She sucked in a long (hopefully discreet) breath through her nose, and busied her self with collecting the dirty dishes. Robin hadn't moved, leaning casually against the dishwasher, her hands shook though it was not fear that struck her; she was going to have to face him.

He moved aside, just enough for her to slip the dishes in, but as soon as they left her hand again, he closed in again , stepping so she was pressed against up the counter, his arms on either side.

* * *

_**He**__ pushed her, trapping her against the wall; she made no objection to move, laughing lightly as __**he**__ grinned, somewhat animalistic, at her. They had just been sparring violently in a back ally, for once she had been winning, of course __**he**__ had then played dirty and distracted her before taking full control of the situation, and thus her position now. _

"_You're getting better actually" _

_Her heart swelled; her fighting abilities had always been her weakest point, she hated being weak, so this, these words. They meant the world. She bit back a grin and let __**him**__ kiss her forcefully before replying. _

"_You're not so bad yourself mister" _

"_Of course" _

_**He**__ pressed himself against her, __**his**__ teeth grazing along her collar bone. She could feel __**his**__ need for her pressing hard up against her thigh; a low moan escaped her as __**his**__ mouth traveled lower. __**He**__ wanted her badly, and she obliged, hiking her skirt up past her waist, her underwear lost somewhere on the pavement as she wrapped her legs around __**his**__ waist. And then no words were needed; just only sensations; only to feel as the brick scraped against her back, as __**his**__ mouth attacked her, as __**he**__ moaned, as she moaned._

_**He**__ wanted her badly, and yet she wanted __**him**__ more than __**life**__ itself._

* * *

"Ignoring me again?"

His eyes were covered by his mask, but his tone was hurt, she winced, hurting him wasn't exactly her intention. _She had no idea what her intention was exactly._ She closed her eyes momentarily and pushed past him without trouble, he had let his arms fall to his sides.

There was a tension filled moment of silence as they regarded each other, she crossed her arms defensively, and he mirrored her action. He spoke first, daring to break the silence, he had always been one to lead things that way, she had always been the coward.

"I thought we worked things out last night"

She narrowed her eyes, _worked what out, we fucked not talked_. Then she sighed, there were so many things she wanted to say, to ask him, she couldn't remember the last time he had given her a satisfactory answer. She smiled tiredly at him, he deserved better than she was treating him.

"I guess so; I'm just really _distracted_ right now …" She trailed off …

"But …"

He arched an eyebrow, a trait she always found attractive in a quirky manner.

"But what?"

She toyed with her lower lip, choosing her words carefully, with him one wrong word and he'd clam up for days. And the she tossed all pretenses of careful speech, watching his reaction intently as she spoke.

"Kitten was murdered last night"

His face was impassive, and he shut her out as he nodded his head lightly.

"I know"

She winced, wanting to break his gaze but the competitive side of her held it fiercely.

"I thought that maybe-"

He brushed forward, pulling her into a hug (how her hear t soared) and releasing her just as suddenly.

"We'll talk about this later"

She sighed, and he frowned, taking her hand and pulling her down the hall.

"C'mon we were supposed to start sparring five minutes ago"

She stopped suddenly, halting him with her action.

"Can't we ju-"

He sighed, releasing her hand and motioning towards the practice room. His voice was soft.

"Later Starfire, later."

She nodded.

"Okay"

She cast a quick glance out the window before following him into the room. The sun was no longer visible, instead a harsh light poured out from behind the clouds. She looked away, turning a blind eye. ( again)

* * *

_The **when **was easy, she could pinpoint the exact moment when she had gone into her mind, her memory and altered everything until it fitted, until she could make some sense of the twisted puzzle. _

_The **how** was easy too, it was like she was going into an old journal, crossing out a word and adding another in its place._

_The **why** though was trickier, she wasn't sure why she did it exactly. But she was sure that it made it all easier to swallow, made it easier, at least for a while, for her to sleep easy. It was if everything had come rushing forward, a howling gale twisting emotions, motives, realizations, she been sick, vomiting everywhere, and then suddenly she had snapped her eyes open, a calm had settled over her; acceptance._

_In the space of a second her mind and rewritten the past few months, until it made sense, until she made sense. _

_And then there were two. Him and __**him**__; two separate affairs, emotions, secrets, actions, two separate ways of treating her, of making her feel. Two separate actions, that fed off each other, bled for each other, created each other. Him and __**him**__; two very different figures, one body. _

_It was only when she kissed that confusion would fill her and a familiarity would dawn on her, but then all it took was a shake of the head and her mind would rewrite the entire scene, him or __**him**_

* * *

* * *

Soo chapter 4 is up and running )

I'm quite sure I wont lose inspiration for this , I've written the final scene ( which is not for several chapters) and I'm organizing the flashbacks and present scenes so it all makes sense.

Thank you all so so so so so so so so so so x10000000 much for your reviews, it really makes it all worthwhile , whenever I get a review it's like ' yay' another good reason to write for ) If you guys have any questions about the continuity or what is going on just ask me in your review and I'll ( try and) answer it here:

Please please please review )

-Ani

_**  
**_


	5. Weakness

Story:_ Disintegration_

Author:_ Ani_

Chapter_: 5; Weakness  
_

Genres: _AU/Romance/Horror/Other... _

Rating:_ M, for disturbing sequences, language, violence and sexual content.  
_

Characters:_ The Teen Titans and a few scattered others_

Summary:_ He could never explain it in a way she could understand, but none of that really mattered when his lips caressed her own because then she didn't need to think, only feel as the fire coursed through her veins._

* * *

Murder: To kill or slaughter inhumanly or barbarously.

* * *

The maid sipped her tea with extra caution, holding it before her lips and examining it a moment before touching the liquid to the interior of her mouth.

The cadet noted that her hands were shaking severely, and he wished he had had enough field experience to deal with someone in such a traumatic situation. He felt almost guilty each time he posed a new question, alarmed at how the frail woman would shake and quiver violently before answering.

He sighed into his own cup and waited – seemingly patient- for her to continue on her particular tangent.

Several silent, tense moments passed before she continued, her voice but a hushed whisper, a soft breeze over thrashing waves, and again he suppressed the urge to reach over and hug the poor servant.

"She has one brother I think …"

He nodded and smiled, hoping it didn't seem too forced in the dismal surroundings.

"Do you remember his name?"

She shook her head, and took another shaky sip of her tea.

"I can't remember his name. They don't – they didn't seem to speak much, at least in the few years I've been serving Wendy. Umm"

She sighed nervously.

" He lives here I think, - I'm not – I don't"

The cadet smiled again, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"We'll find him….. More tea?"

The maid nodded absently, her mind still reeling from the images of gashes, slits and red rivers etched into her memory.

* * *

_**Several Months Ago**_

_She smoothed her hands over her lilac uniform, absently brushing out invisible wrinkles and blemishes. She had been sitting in the same position since the battle ended, legs folded gracefully underneath her as she waited for Robin and Cyborg to finish handcuffing the wrongdoer of the day. A grin lit up her face as the two boys marched forward; she felt Raven and Beast Boy move to stand beside her but she remained sitting, her eyes focused on the black haired boy strolling up to her. He was smiling in a satisfied manner, looking stunning to her as the wind ruffled his messy post battle hair, pushing a stray ebony piece in front of his enigmatic mask. _

_It had been a particularly tough battle today, they had been after the villain for some time and the fight had been violent and full of anxious tension._

" _This time we catch him"_

_Robin had said fiercely as they prepared to face him. _

"_You know what you have to do"._

_And how Robin had fought- she was struck with a sense of déjà vu with the intensity of his fight, reminded of a time when a man called Slade had dominated their lives. Halfway through the battle she had found her self battling for consciousness, tossed carelessly into the side of a brick building. Robin had rushed to her side, his hands clasping her head, propping her up and whispering words that did not register in her semi-lucid state , but his tone had been caring and his touches gentle._

_The moment to her should have brought warmth but a bitter resentment had boiled in her why was he only this affectionate when she was hurt? Why was it always herself that had to be the fucking damsel in distress. Why couldn't she be the strong one for once , why couldn't her pow- _

"_Hey" _

_She snapped out of her reverie as his voice floated towards her. She smiled and looked up at him, squinting slightly in the sunlight. _

"_You ready to go?" He held out a hand _

_She nodded, taking the offered hand and letting him pull her to her feet. _

_The other Titans were still in view just up ahead but Robin for once didn't let go her of hand, instead he wove their fingers together and sped up._

_He did not get far however, the tug of her fingers alerted him of her reluctance to move _

" _C'mon Star"_

_She was stopped in front of a newspaper stand, soundlessly mouthing the headlines. She felt Robin step up beside her and she smiled sadly._

"_There's been another murder…" _

_She clasped his hand tighter, disappointed slightly when he didn't squeeze back. Her eyes was focused on his face, trying to gauge his reaction – the fucking mask was so impenetrable sometimes. _

_He sighed and she thought she could detect a ray of sadness in his gaze. _

"_Death happens" _

_Starfire bit her lip, suppressing the urge to shudder, he was obviously referring to his parents. Emotionally speaking it was dangerous ground to tread, so she decided not to pick up on that particular thread. _

'_I know but, murders Robin? That's not so common , I mean it is , but not like this you know? I mean I can't help bu-"_

"_Shhh…its okay Star" _

_He squeezed her hand and motioned to the Titans up ahead. _

"_We can talk about this later if you want" _

_She nodded, clinging to his hand just a little too desperately_

"_Yeah"_

* * *

Her fingers tugged anxiously on the quilt, her hands clenching and unclenching intermittently as she watched him, pace the room, toss a random shirt in the closet, dust his shelf – busy himself and pointedly ignore her.

She bit her lip, and ceased her actions with the quilt; he eyes intent on his moving form.

"I thought we were past this ignoring thing"

Her voice shook more than she wanted and she narrowed her eyes, wondering why her strength seemed to flee her at all the wrong times.

He glanced up at her briefly, before returning to his pacing.

"I'm not ignoring you"

Her voice was soft again as she tried to steel herself.

"You are though. Maybe not intentionally – ar -are you mad ?"

He remained quiet, though his motions slowed.

"Or something? I'd appreciate it if you told me what's wrong"

"Fuck!"

She jumped at the sudden burst of noise, her hands twitched, filled with a sudden urge to hug and protect herself, she resisted -proving to herself at least that she was stronger than her fear-and narrowed her eyes at him.

"Tell me how your feeling Robin, are you angry with me" his face was sneering as he imitated her voice.

"Why does it always have to be about fucking emotions Star?" There was coldness in his voice that she hadn't seen in a while, she fought off another shudder.

"They're just another weakness – you're too fucking emotional- why do you think I always have to save your ass?"

Anger boiled within her, and her hands fisted again. Why was he always so difficult?

She glanced out the window, the moon was up and the ebony sky looked dark and inviting. She stood up and hopped off his bed – it was his turn to watch her now- as she went about locating her skirt and underwear.

Tossing the skirt back on the floor she brushed past him, picking up one of his long dress shirts on the way out.

"I'm going outside"

He didn't react, and she didn't wait for his reaction. She was tired of being weak.

* * *

_The wind blew her crimson locks across her arms, the contrast between her pale peach and the dark red startled her for some reason , hundreds of tiny red lines traced down her arm – in her head she drew the comparison to torn flesh ; blood – but she shook the thought out , brushing her hair off her arms and out of immediate sight. _

_She sighed, eyes unfocused on the sunset as she waited for Robin to appear. _

"_So…" _

_And apparently he already had, she wondered momentarily, as she gazed at his sitting figure, how long he had been there without her noticing. _

"_So?" _

_She cocked her head, questioning, even though she knew exactly what was going on. _

_He smirked, and humored her as if he knew how much she liked hearing the sound of his voice , it was …comforting. _

" _So about today, you wanted to talk about the …" _

_She nodded, suddenly tense._

" _The murders , yeah I …"_

_She trailed off , trying to find some articulate way to voice her emotions, sighing she cast aside such phrases of intelligence and spoke directly of her minds troubles. _

"_I'm scared Robin, I'm fucking terrified actually …all these people" _

_She words left her and she was stuck trying to read his reaction. He didn't like it when she admitted her fears a weakness he called it, one should never be fearful. _

_His face was impassive, a calm façade of mystery, oddly enough she felt jealous of this – this ability to stay so calm, so collected in the face of such misery. She bit her lip, and here she was whining like a baby at the first sign of danger. She wanted his strength._

"_Don't be scared." _

_His words don't surprise her but his embrace does, as he pulls her forward suddenly his arms clasped tightly around her waist. She froze momentarily, surprised , before returning his affections , wrapping her arms around his neck and breathing him in. _

_He released her just as suddenly and she found her self muttering, repeating her fears._

" _These aren't just weaklings getting killed – that guy in the newspaper- he was a body guard Robin, he's trained to protect and there he was in that picture" _

_She gestured widely, resisting the urge to tremble. _

"_Dead" _

_She bit her lip, nervously tugging on the flesh before gazing up at him, questioning. _

_He surprised her yet again, brushing a hand through her hair and smiling mysteriously. _

"_Stop worrying"_

_She winced, it felt like an order._

_He continued, his voice slightly disconnected, she marveled at his words as they tumbled from his lips._

"_You're Starfire, you're a fucking hero, you can shoot and kill someone without a gun, and you can fly, I'd hardly be worried, you're Starfire you have nothing to worry about. Besides judging from the previous killings, you don't seem to be the killer's type_ …"

_He trailed off and shrugged _

_She bit her lip, inwardly basking in his praise._

"_I know but, I'm not as strong as you guys, I've been the damsel in distress one too many times Robin, I don't trust my skills" _

_She traced a lazy hand across the pavement "Not anymore" _

_He sighed and pulled her into another embrace, _

"_You know I would never let anyone hurt you – ever."_

_(Her heart soared) _

_Besides you're just as strong as us, of not stronger, you know this you're just too sympathetic, you have to learn when to shut off your emotions and just go" _

_She shuddered and looked up at him admiringly – "I know" _

_He kissed her gently – simultaneously warming her heart and sending it aflutter –._

"_Good"._

* * *

The moon shone quietly over the concrete roof , casting pale emaciating shadows over the grey and glinting slightly on a small figure moving rapidly in the semi darkness.

"Arrrgh"

Her fist hit the bag hard, then harder, then harder again. She could feel her fingers bruise upon impact and smiled thinly before attacking the bag again.

It was Cyborg that had introduced her to boxing if she remembered correctly, had showed her the stance, how to hold her arms, tuck her thumbs and punch with all her might. Of course it had been Robin who had helped her hone the skills, this fact made her strike a little more harshly, hit with a little more intent.

She sighed, feeling sick, she was breathing heavily, palms to her knees and hunched over. She wasn't angry at Robin, she was … just sick of everything; and Robin just heightened it all, he was …

She closed her eyes, attempting to stop her vision from spinning, it had been a hard day, she hadn't eaten nearly enough and coupled with... everything… It was enough to make it all to spin out of control…. Out of control and into

.C.h.a.o.s.

Bile rose up her throat in a burning fashion that was all too familiar now, this time though she pursed her lips fiercely, intent on riding out the nausea, intent on proving that she was stronger than her body made her out to be.

Behind her she heard the creak of the door, it could only be one person.

Fuck.

Her vision span violently again, and when his arms came to wrap around her she willingly sank in.

Fuck.

They sat there for a moment, eternity , him breathing quietly, herself sighing trying to catch her breath, trying to breath , clear her head and all the while aware of every breath he took.

She rolled her neck concentrating on the cracks momentarily before turning to face him.

She could feel his eyes resting on the top of her head, not quite meeting her gaze, not quite looking at her. Ever.

"I'm sorry Robin – I"

"Don't"

He was looking at her now, his gaze intense even through his mask.

She frowned.

"What?"

"Don't apologize"

She ignored the strangeness of his statement, biting back the second apology on her tongue, wanting to say sorry for being like this, wanting to tell him how fucking sick she is of it all. Instead she bit her lip, attempting to prove once again that she was stronger than all this.

"Robin?"

His gaze slowly shifted from its perch on the horizon till it met her face, she fought to keep from flushing. He quirked an eyebrow.

"Kiss me"

He smirked and pulled her up against him, his mouth hovered a millimeter away from hers, he was looking through covered eyes into her wide green ones as she struggled not to be the one to break and touch his lips first. She wanted to win this one, he rarely paid this much attention to her and she Wanted. It. So. Bad.

He closed the distance first and inside she felt a wicked sense of pride develop, however her attention was quickly drawn to his actions; to his mouth as moved against her own, teeth just grazing her lip. She slipped her tongue and once again they battled for dominance, she was stronger now, could hold her own longer now but the competition became but a thought in the back of her mind as he gripped her hips, pulling her flush to him, so every curve , every contour fit just so.

His hands wandered, one sliding up the loose shirt to cup her and the other tracing patterns down her thigh, closer and closer. She bit back a moan of pleasure as she arched into him, needing him close, needing him closer. Her hands flew gently and not so gently over him, tracing touching and clutching him to her.

His mouth wandered over her neck, biting sucking and leaving her with trails of want while his hand made quick work of the buttons on her shirt, and then it was gone sliding off her arms and onto the cold concrete. She would have shivered had his arms not wrapped around her pulling her in, pulling her closer, and closer. His arousal nudged against her bare legs and she pushed herself farther into him, her nimble fingers shaking as she made to pull off his jeans

Once again their mouths meshed fiercely in a heated desperate kiss that she wanted to continue forever.

He pulled away suddenly, swearing.

" Fuck"

She closed her eyes, confused at his sudden reluctance. She shivered.

" What?"

Carelessly he picked up the dress shirt and tossed it to her, before readjusting his pants and heading for the stairs.

"Robin, wh-"

"There's someone at the door"

She nodded mutely, shrugging on the shirt and following him into the tower.

The walk down was silent, filled with an unsatisfied tension that she hoped was shared by him.

A loud knock broke the silence and they quickened their pace, .f.r.a.n.t.i.c.a.l.l.y. rushing the last few feet before pausing at the large steel doorway.

Robin's face expression was cold as he opened the door, she suppressed a smile.

Three figures stood awkwardly rigid, faces blank in their intensity. Two of them were part of the police force, she recognized the Sergeant from previous dealings, his companion was vaguely familiar as well. She shrugged and studied the third figure, a quivering girl, not much older than twenty , looking on the verge of tears. Her hands fisted unconsciously, a couple months ago and she would have been showering the girl with care and a maternal need to cheer her up. Now she felt nothing but pity for the poor girl, obviously too caught up in her emotions, too caught up in her w.e.a.k.n.e.s.s.

The Sergeant spoke, distracting her from her musings.

" Is there a Garfield Logan here?"

"Beast Boy"

The words left her lips in a whisper, out of the corner of her eye she saw Robin nod sharply.

"Why"

Robin's tone was crisp, straight to the point.

" It's his sister… she's been murdered."

* * *

_Oh to be independent of this_

_dependence that hangs over _

_Like a cloud, looming; looming_

_Black grey and red_

_ break bleed break _

_collected in plastic edges_

_like a drug;_

_addicted._

_Addict_

* * *

_.K.i.l.l. _

* * *

_Haha so I wait like two months to update...only to have a chapter without much in it. But I will update as soon as I can, there shouldn't be too much more I'd wager 4 chapters but I'm not too sure. _

_I can say though that the next chapter reveals the killer !!!! _

_In the meantime , Please, Please, drop a review . I don't want to whine but it totally takes the fun out of posting when no one reviews. So yeah ,)_

_Comments,[constructive Critique? _

_The next chapter will be up soon , um meanwhile check out some of my oneshots ( and yes that was shameless self promoting there) coughWhispersofWillowscough. _

_-Ani _


	6. Wanting or The Sickness

Story:_ Disintegration_

Author:_ Ani_

Chapter_: 6; Wanting or The S.i.c.k.n.e.s.s  
_

Genres: _AU/Romance/Horror/Other... _

Rating:_ M, for disturbing sequences, language, violence and sexual content.( these next few chapters are particularly gruesome)  
_

Characters:_ The Teen Titans and a few scattered others_

Summary:_ He could never explain it in a way she could understand, but none of that really mattered when his lips caressed her own because then she didn't need to think, only feel as the fire coursed through her veins._

* * *

kill: 

—Synonyms 1. slaughter, massacre, butcher; hang, electrocute, behead, guillotine, strangle, garrote; assassinate.

-Kill, execute, to murder all means to deprive of life.

* * *

**Wanting **or **The S.i.c.k.n.e.s.s**

* * *

She shifted in her seat uncomfortably, a nervous sweat lightly dusting her skin. She shivered, glancing outside to the pale moon and the sickly light it shone upon the ocean. A frown worked it's way on to her mouth and she bit back a groan , it had been less than thirty minutes ago that Robin and her had kissed up there and she wanted to badly to go back to that moment. She shook her head, embarrassed at her selfishness but it was just so rare nowadays for Robin to pay her such attention, and she wanted it bad she realized it was sick almost, and she hated herself for it. But one can't always help what one wants, and what one does to get what they want.

The rest of the team were filing into the room now, looking angry and sleepy and simultaneously confused. A sigh escaped her and she caught Cyborg's gaze she smiled thinly at him, not feeling really, but observing; he was tired, probably _wanting_ nothing more than for this nightmare to go away, She looked at the rest of the team, to the diminutive cloaked girl and the frail young changeling as they seated themselves across from her- they too were exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally- _wanting_ nothing more than to be free from all of this. [If only they knew the w.h.o.l.e. of it She met Ravens eyes for a moment then looked down, unable to look at Beast Boy; he didn't know yet. An onslaught of trembling emotions threatened to flood her; she steeled herself, sighing again.

Her stomach churned and she wondered briefly who had cleaned up her vomit from the previous day …

(This s.i.c.k.n.e.s.s. is catching, and you can't be rid of it dear, there is no cure, you're in too d.e.e.p)

A shiver tickled it's way down her spine, she felt eyes on her and looked up to meet Robins probing gaze, she bit her lip, inwardly basking in/challenging his attention, outwardly suppressing the urge to shift under the direct stare. She widened her eyes at his gaze, questioning…._what Robin what_?

He shook his head at her finally, an order she took it to be. Be quiet and let me do the talking. She grimaced, but kept her gaze on his form, intent. All she really _wanted _was the time of day from him; a chance to prove herself to him, to prove she could love him, could be like him-but what was it that he _wanted_, what was it that he _lived_ for?

* * *

**Before The Killings **

"_Fuck" _

_He kicked the shore with a feral ferocity, dislodging several pebbles and a whirlwind of dust. She grimaced and placed a tentative hand on his arm; he was shaking. _

"_We'll catch him, Robin, today was… well today was hard" _

_She frowned._

"_I mean we tried hard – I've never seen Cyborg hurt like that before. There's still time I know there is" _

_She cursed inwardly at her cheesiness, not even she believed it anymore. _

"_If we just try…"_

_He cut her off, harshly._

'_Sometimes trying is just not enough Star. Fuck it, I mean we had him, we fucking had him and then it just had to go to shit" _

_She felt him tense under her hand and she backed away a little so that just her fingers came in contact now, she wasn't used to being close to him and as much as She dreamed it, she could barely work up the nerve to brush is shoulder, let alone grab his hand or… _

_He sighed._

"_We're weak Starfire, weak. We have to do more. Do you know how many criminals, how many fucking sicko's there are out there? And it's not just the obvious ones too, remember that bodyguard that works for the Mayor, he a fucking drug pusher, he's fucking getting kids addicted to meth while we just sit here talking about 'trying', fuck Star we have to do more, we have to." _

_She bit her lip, he had turned to face her in the middle of his speech. She marveled him with something similar to fear and adoration. If only she could just touch him and tell him…_

"_It will be okay Robin, I mean just last week we locked up three of your so called sicko's" _

_He stared at her hard for a moment, and she fought the urge to look down. _

"_It's not enough Star, it only gets us so far we need a way to just …ugh" _

_He sighed, kicking up the dust again. _

_She cast her gaze to the ground, watching the dust float and settle. _

"_Oomph" _

_His arms had wrapped around her suddenly, pulling her into a fierce hug. She suppressed a shiver, faltering only momentarily before she wrapped her arms around him as well. A fluid smile worked its way onto her face; she was comfortable here in his arms; safe and electrifying all at once; she felt happy. _

_He shifted slightly, releasing her until all he was holding was her arms, she suppressed a frown but found her self looking up at him expectantly. _

"_Trying is just not enough anymore Star" _

_He look down at her and smiled distantly. _

"_We'll think of something though. You have to promise me something Starfire" _

_She found herself smiling up at him, inwardly basking at his attentiveness. _

"_What?" _

"_Promise me you'll always be there for me" _

_She shook her head, laughing slightly; a giddy feeling was fluttering around in her stomach._

"_Always"_

_He smiled._

"_Good, Cause we're in this together" _

_And then the world tipped slightly; the surroundings blurred, a shining flash of silver in the background, the cobalt blue of the ocean and the soft rose of his lips as he lowered his mouth to hers. She smiled; kissing was something she loved feverishly, whether it was a peck on the cheek or an open mouthed caress from one set of lips to another. The first time he kissed her, she had felt elated, and giddy, the type of kiss that reminded her of true love, bold sunsets and fields of gold._

_At first it had been …heavenly. His lips had brushed hers so softly it was almost a whisper of a kiss, she had responded somewhat cautiously, insecure about her inexperience, and nervous of the repercussions – inwardly however, a giddy excitement rushed forth and it took everything in her power not to scream for joy. After that was when the real fun began, he was gentle, almost graceful in the way he touched her, shy, reserved and yet somehow managing to shower her with affection, making her feel like she was the only girl in the world. _

_Oblivious might have been one way to describe it, love blinds it is said._

* * *

There was a tense silence looming over the five of them as they sat stiffly, facing each other but not really seeing. She sighed, nervously; it was as if they already knew. And perhaps in a sense they did, the murders …it wasn't the first time they had sat down, stiff and cold to be told another person had fallen at the hands of Jump Cities notorious killer. 

She cast her eyes to the floor, her fingers itching anxiously, she just wanted this to be over with; [she just wanted this all. to be o.v.e.r. with.

She shuddered suddenly cold. She looked down and blushed, thankful for the dark to cloak her sparsely dressed figure; her shaking fingers tugged the thin material of Robin's shirt.

Robin cleared his throat, effectively cutting the apprehensive silence. Slowly four sets of eyes turned to face him.

"As you probably have guessed by now there's been another murder."

There was a collective sigh around the room; the first time there had been a gasp, a stunned shocked silence; now there was an air of defeat; an air of sadness.

She sent a silent plea to Robin; don't be too harsh about this, we aren't all used to losing family members; don't be too harsh, we aren't all used to d.e.a.t.h.

Unaware of her in screams and pleas he continued.

"This time the killer has hit close to home"

He paused, no doubt trying to find a way to verbalize it.

The twitching in her fingers grew more severe, and she found her self looking around frantically, trying to find something to look at, to focus on, anything but her green friend as Robin opened his mouth to speak.

"A socialite Alicia Logan was killed yesterday; she was a sister of Garfield Logan"

He gestured listlessly, a frown on his face.

"Garfield of course being Beast Boy"

She shut her eyes, unable to look at the scene as it played out before her.

There was a moment of dead quite before a muffled choking filled the air, he was crying; Beast Boy was crying. _Fuck._

She placed a hand to her cheek, her eyes now open but cast to the floor. Her cheeks were wet as well, tears streaming freely.

Robin was still talking; something about the coroners report and the police- she doubted anyone was really listening. Her head throbbed angrily, and her hands shook, while inside she battled herself_...stop crying you sick fuck, you're not the one with the dead sister, stop fucking crying, stop being so weak_...She settled the battle with a compromise, to weak to prove her strength, she let the tears fall but not once, not once would she let a sob escape her mouth; she was done crying.

Then there was silence again, looming forcefully as the shock resonated with the three figures across the room. Occasionally a small hiccup would break the silence, and each time her eyes would flit over momentarily, taking in the small shuddering form her emerald friend, and each time the weight of it would crush her, settling heavy in her chest and radiating outwards until it consumed every inch: Her hands shook uncontrollably, her fingers twitching at every quite moment, it was too much, all was too much. She had to g.e.t. o.u.t.

One shaking moment later, one muffled hiccup from across the room and she bolted, unable to deal with it all. A part of her wanted to be back with Beast Boy, rubbing his back and telling him it would be okay. But it wasn't okay, she was sick of lying and there was no way she could even look at the boy, let alone touch him without the weight of this whole s.i.t.u.a.t.i.o.n rush in and crush her at a nauseatingly fast pace.

She stumbled into Robin's room in a whirlwind of tears and red angry fingernail imprints upon her arms; blindly she pushed her way into the en-suite bathroom, sighing once she reached the sterile white walls.

She closed her eyes, shaking, shaking. And then leant over, violently vomiting into the toilet as it all came up in a nauseous, sick, guilty, fucked up rush.

Minutes later, or was it hours she felt a hand rub her back, in slow, smooth, comforting circles.

_  
Robin. _

She let herself collapse, sighing into him. And there they sat for a what felt like eternity, as she calmed herself in his embrace; breathing him in until she felt safe again, until she felt as if there were nothing wrong.

Once she felt as if she think again she pushed herself off, standing up slowly and flushing the toilet with a shaky hand. He was silent still, offering only a small smile as he handed her a toothbrush, his hand lingering slightly as she took it from him. They needed to talk.

_(He could never explain it to her in a way she could rationalize; sometimes she thought she held a glimmer of understanding, but most of the time she found herself grasping for straws that did not exist.)_

She gave him a small smile, letting the minty foam fill her mouth as she gathered her thoughts. Closing her eyes she spat into the sink, trying to eschew the overbearing taste of her sickness.

A thin smile worked its way shakily onto her mouth and she grabbed his hand, needing something safe, something comforting, needing the only thing that kept her sane and drove her off the deep end all at once, needing him.

Finally she spoke, looking directly into masked eyes as she did so.

"Alicia…which one was she?"

He nodded, as if expecting her very words.

"Two nights ago, she was blonde, wealthy…"

"Another socialite, I'm still confused as to which one, I've kind of lost count"

She bit her lip; she hadn't meant her tone to be that bitter.

He smiled thinly, as if sensing her internal battle.

"She was wearing a silk bathrobe – she was the one that was beating her maid, you should have seen the scars on her maids legs and arms; a real sicko"

The scene came flashing back to her, quick, violent, deserving and covered in a white film, the thin curtains from where she watched. She sighed, honestly unsure, who truly was the sicko now.

Robins tone was gruff as he continued to speak.

"There was no way of knowing that she was related to Beast Boy – Logan is a popular last name."

The scene kept flashing before her eyes, and she shuddered, confused and helpless.

[_**him**__, him, __**him**__, him, __**him**__, him, __**him**__, him, __**him,**__ him_.

He brought his lips to her neck, and she felt momentarily relieved of the whole thing as his warm mouth trailed along her flesh.

_(Distractions though, she understood that, he would kiss her, offer a gentle caress and make her feel perfect in just a few words. __**He**__ would kiss her hungrily, draw blood as his teeth dug and nails scarred her surface. Distractions __**t**__h__**e**__y were, oh how her mind would turn to putty, it was all instinct, touching and being as close as possible; so perfect, so utterly perfect.)_

He moved away and she was brought to reality just as suddenly.

_(Yet distractions were temporary, and she could never really forget.)_

"Beast Boy will be alright, you'd be surprised at the things people can learn to cope with"

She nodded mutely, now more aware of his body pressed against hers than of his words.

His lips trailed across her ear, nibbling slightly; she shuddered.

"After all, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

_(One day, maybe, one day she could be so close, be so attached to his heart, __**his**__ lips that distraction would become reality and she wouldn't need to forget.)_

She pulled away, just long enough to miss the feeling of his lips against her, just long enough to slip her nimble fingers under his mask and tug it until it tumbled from his face and fluttered to the floor.

**He **smiled, blue eyes shining icily before **he** lowered **his** lips to her open mouth, kissing her fiercely, driving her crazy; keeping her s.a.n.e.

_(The first time __**he**__had kissed it had been a rush that set her veins on fire, and it was addicting, and wrong, it made her mind wander to places she had never dreamed of, adrenalin filled touches, nails scraping down her back as he fucked her in an alleyway; the first time __**he **__had kissed her, her lips had surfaced dripping and red.)_

* * *

_A shuddering sigh escaped her as __**his**__ arms slithered around her waist, and __**his**__ lips began to wander over her neck none to gentle, biting, licking, and sucking. She was completely immobilized, pressed tightly against __**him,**__ part of her tense and hyperaware the other part so completely at home in __**his**__ embrace; it was electric, seductive and wrong, but she never wanted to let go. __**His**__ lips traveled up her neck setting her skin afire with sparks, and __**his **__teeth lightly grazed her earlobe before __**he**__ spoke, __**his**__ warm breath radiating out against her skin. _

"_I want to show you something" _

_She looked up at him, breathless, eyes glazed over at the intensity of __**his**__ actions. _

"_Show me what?" _

_**He**__ didn't bother answering; instead __**he**__ grabbed her hand roughly dragging her along as __**he**__ broke into a run. She panted, struggling to keep up but always keeping a tight hold on __**his**__ arm, never wanting to let go. _

_It seemed like it was hours that they ran, later she would wonder why they didn't bother flying but she was too caught up in the moment to care, to bother stopping and resting her aching legs, she was too caught up in the moment, too caught up in __**him.**_

_They stopped at an old warehouse, both hunched over and panting heavily; she noticed with some pride that __**he**__ looked just as tired as she. __**He **__hadn't said a word yet; she was tingling all over, electric with some excitement that she could not explain, nor did she care to, too enamored with the new feelings__** he**__ evoked within._

_**He**__ spoke finally, grabbing her hand again and leading her towards the door._

"_C'mon" _

_They paused at the shabby entranceway and __**he**__ tugged her hand fiercely, pulling her towards __**him**__, into another heated embrace. __**His**__ lips crushed over hers, tongue dragging tantalizingly across hers, hands roaming restlessly and heatedly all at once, teeth biting painfully and pleasurably all at once. __**He **__pulled away just as quickly as __**he**__ had brought __**his**__ lips down; an enigmatic look on __**his**__ face. _

_**He **__spoke again, brushing a quick kiss to her forehead._

"_I think you're ready now" _

_She barely had time to register __**his**__ strange words before __**he**__ pushed her in the doorway…_

_Blood – _

_It was the first thing her mind registered as it took in the chaos before her. _

_A lot of blood, red rivers oozing from the walls that seemed to close in on her until she was trapped in the middle of a wasteland of blood and destruction. Blood of course needed something to fall out of, and that was the next thing to register in her, and a sick feeling flooded her, over taking the shock as her eyes searched the scene for a body._

_She looked down, knowing intuitively that it would be right there. She froze unable to breath, unable to move, unable to s.c.r.e.a.m. _

_It was a man, - or rather the remains of one, his face was the most intact part of him; mouth parted slightly, eyes open in shock. But the rest of him was …in tatters, shreds of skin, peeled back to reveal bloody tissue and muscle. It was [sickShe felt her knees begin to give way and she turned her head, looking at __**him**__ in horror. _

"_Robin …"_

_She stopped looking at him in a new light; __**he**__ was observing the scene coldly mouth closed, brows furrowed but what caught her attention were __**his**__ eyes, mask less for once and glinting with something feral , animalistic; something akin to pride. _

_She opened her mouth, gaping._

"_Robin …wha-" _

_Her heart stopped. _

_Literally just stopped for a moment as the realization dawned on her._

* * *

_**("You do realize you can't just stop fighting once you hurt the bad guy.")**_

_**("Death happens")**_

_**  
("…you're Starfire you have nothing to worry about. Besides judging from the previous killings, you don't seem to be the killer's type**_** …")**

_**(you know this you're just too sympathetic, you have to learn when to shut off your emotions and just go")**_

_**("We're weak Starfire, weak. We have to do more)**_

_**("Trying is just not enough anymore Star")**_

_**("We'll think of something though. You have to promise me something Starfire" **_

**"**_**Promise me you'll always be there for me" **_

"…_**always…")**_

_** ("You know I would never let anyone hurt you – ever."**_

_**((((("We're in this t.o.g.e.t.h.e.r"))))) **_

* * *

_**  
**_

_The realization hit her with an unimaginable force; she clutched her stomach, reeling._

(The w.h.e.n was easy, she could pinpoint the exact moment when she had gone into her mind, her memory and altered everything until it fitted, until she could make some sense of the twisted puzzle.)

_It was too much, it made too much sense, and she had been way too much in love with __**him**__ to realize it._

(The h.o.w was easy too, it was like she was going into an old journal, crossing out a word and adding another in its place.)

_But the worse part was her, herself, she kept her promises till the grave_promise me you'll always be there for me?...Always_ and now… she was too far into this to get out._

(The w.h.y though, was trickier; she wasn't sure why she did it exactly. But she was sure that it made it all easier to swallow, made it easier, at least for a while, for her to sleep easy.)

_She shuddered, unable to look at __**him**__, unable to look at the scene._

(It was if everything had come rushing forward, a howling gale twisting emotions, motives, realizations, she been sick, vomiting everywhere…)

_She blanched, overcome with a sickness that swam through her entire being; she ran from the building and vomited into the nearest bushes._

(and then suddenly she had snapped her eyes open, a calm had settled over her; acceptance.)

_Then, as if by some trick of the will, she stopped, closing her mouth, ceasing to retch; she turned clutching her churning stomach and stood up shakily. _

(In the space of a second her mind and rewritten the past few months, until it made sense, until she made sense.And then there were two. Him and **him**; two separate affairs, emotions, secrets, actions, two separate ways of treating her, of making her feel. Two separate actions, that fed off each other, bled for each other, created each other. Him and **him**; two very different figures, one body.)

_She bit her lip, blinking back a tear and fled… _

_R.o.b.i.n (__**him**__him__**him**__him__**him**__him__**him**__him) made no move to follow her._

* * *

Jealous: 

-.

feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages

Prove:

-.to show (oneself) to have the character or ability expected of one, esp. through one's actions.

* * *

Halla !!!

Alrighty ...so Robin is the killer, I think that was kind of obvious from the start but I tried to hopefully make it a surprise for at least one of my readers .. hehe

This chapter is probably difficult to read with all the flashbacks, but I needed them interspersed like that and ugh.. I tried to make it less confusing but they all started to blend and now even I'm confused.

So not too many chapters left, probably 3 at the most or maybe just one gigantic one .. nah I think 2 or 3 smaller ones sounds better, anyways enough of my rambling.

Please please please please please please pretty please review, it makes it all worth it.

-Ani

* * *


	7. Because I Am

* * *

Because I am officially the worlds worst updater, and I am now a promise breaker in the sense that I might not finish this story ...

**WOULD YOU BE OKAY WITH ME POSTING AN IN-BETWEEN CHAPTER MADE UP OF PLOT NOTES, AND THEN THE FINAL CHAPTER?**

BECAUSE AS I HAVE MENTIONED BEFORE I HAVE FINISHED THE FINAL CHAPTER SO I COULD JUST POST IT AND FILL YOU IN ON THE PRIOR EVENTS...

Just for you know, a tinsey bit of closure?

That is if there is still any one reading this haha ?

drop a review with either.

**YES! **( I'll post the chapters...I will try and make the detail chapter as enjoyable and readable as possible and the final chapter is as I mentioned completed...)

or **NO! **and then I shall leave this bad-boy as is...

Sorry and Thank You

-A


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